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In Australia it’s too cold to do anything else. On the other side of the world it’s too hot. The above picture takes me back two years when I was bedded down in the Victorian snow fields. The drizzling rain had made the slopes uncomfortable and the barman’s strike at my lodge gave me few options. At the time I was weaning myself off the enduring adventures of Paddy Pest and looking for an alternative bunny to share some of the limelight.

Over dinner that evening I met this charming lady who had arrived at the chalet with a friend of mine. I couldn’t get over the fact that she appeared to have four breasts. As it turned out I was just pissed and seeing double (the barman had relented and got back on the horse). Nevertheless, it gave me the impetus to go where I had never been before. If your story is going to incorporate ladies with surplus mammaries, there is only one outlet for this kind of thing – Science Fiction.

“The Replicants” turned out to be a winner and I couldn’t speak more highly of the fellow who gave it a ripper review. It is true that I may have offended a few aficionados with my somewhat satirical view of these folks from another world but you can’t please all the people all the time. I take some pride in the fact that the book remains popular with kids who like Mars bars. “The Snoodle Contract” is also solid holiday reading and I regret not getting Bill Clinton or Donald Trump on board. That James Patterson, the biggest selling writer of all time, is an opportunist. I am reliably informed that my story about an assassination attempt on the U.S. president might give him a run for his money, so let’s not beat about the bush. Send my book to Washington – please.

Written by: Gerry Burke
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