“He has a well-furnished mind, an ingenious intellect, and a prodigious vocabulary dedicated to making readers laugh.”
My God, I think he’s talking about me. Yes, the US Review had a look at The Replicants and decided to give it the thumbs up. I’m so excited. They checked out the first chapter, last month, and decided to read on. I hope you have a similar attitude. Of course, you may have to read the book with the lights on because it gets scary in some places. Aliens with three eyes are always a worry.
So, here’s the review. You can also pick up my ad in this month’s Shelf Unbound mag, voted the best digital magazine in 2015 and 2016.
The Replicants: reviewed by Joe Kilgore, U.S. Review
"With their four tentacles working overtime, the guests from outer space were downing margaritas as if they were performance enhancing drugs."
Few things take themselves more seriously than science fiction. The genre attracts legions of fans eager to supplicate themselves to terrestrial tomes and authors intent on profoundly prophesying what the future might hold. That of course, makes it the perfect target for scathing satire. And this novel’s author is not one to pass up low hanging fruit without taking an enormous bite.
Earth is hosting Intergalactic Games with participants from the farthest reaches of the universe. You know what you’re in for the moment you realize the planet Schmoo is sending a contingent of athletes accompanied by insurgents bent on infiltration and eventual colonization. These green, three-eyed, four-tentacle life forms are intent on taking over either by force or by applying the Schmoo embrace, a hug that results in body transfer. Think of it as Invasion Of The Body Snatchers meets Mel Brooks.
Burke’s humor is as unbridled as his imagination, with his character’s names setting the fevered pace. Cal Swift is an intrepid Homeland Security agent. His paramour is Dr. Alicia Angelico, behavioral scientist at the Department of Inhuman Affairs. Heading the games is Ronald Hump from his secured location in Hump Towers. There’s also U. S. President Daphne Doolittle, Schmoo’s Paramount Person Max Moo, and far too many more to mention. The author’s plot ricochets from one side of the universe to another as earthlings from multiple continents attempt to stop the invasion. Burke’s prose fires one-liners and salty jokes at machine-gun speed. He has a well-furnished mind, an ingenious intellect, and a prodigious vocabulary dedicated to making readers laugh. If you find the idea of the cosmos on shtick-steroids intriguing, this sci-fi’s for you.
RECOMMENDED by the US Review
Posted by GB
I’ve been reviewed and, once again, the US Review has been kind. Of course, this is only a first chapter review and I anticipate that a full review will arrive within the next few months. Here’s what they had to say about “The Replicants.”
Generally, science fiction is one thing and humor is another. However it takes only a paragraph and a half before readers come upon Planet Schmoo, foretelling a cosmic collision of science and shtick. Rapidly, multiple characters are introduced who further this formulation of interstellar absurdity. The Schmooans are on their way to Earth to participate in intergalactic athletic games. Or, is something more sinister at play? If it is, trouble and comedy are both assured, since the earthlings and the space travelers seem incapable of passing up a potential pun. As the aliens begin to mix and mingle with their human hosts, sportsmanship and camaraderie are in danger of turning into something much darker.
If Author Burke’s past genre send-ups are any clue, which they most certainly are, hang on for a huge helping of hilarity. This initial chapter seems particularly apropos for the classic (and often misquoted) line from Betty Davis in All About Eve, “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Davis actually said “night," but if you read past Burke’s opening chapter there’s every chance you’ll soon be giggling too much to care.
I have been researching the world’s best reading locations and for those who readily admit to ongoing pressure with their family, work and other nefarious pursuits, I can recommend a lazy afternoon with your toe in the water and a good book in your hands. If you also need a little nap, that can be reinvigorating too.
In terms of a good book, you can’t go past my latest page-turner, The Replicants, which pits the best brains on Earth against the invaders from Planet Schmoo. It’s pretty thought-provoking stuff and you’ll have to be careful you don’t fall in the water in shock and disbelief. If there are piranhas in the lake, perhaps you had better not dangle your toes after all.
If you are excited by the idyllic scene above, you may be interested to know that it is for sale in May, together with a house and shed, all on two acres in the great state of Georgia. Vladimir Putin can butt out because I am talking about down south in U.S.A. If you are interested, contact me and I’ll pass on your details to the present owner.
Why are my heroines always under the pump?
Posted by GB
Whenever you mention green aliens, people always think the worst; just look what they are attempting with poor Alicia. Nevertheless, I want you to give them the benefit of the doubt, as I did.
Sure, the Schmooans are replicants and that’s not a nice thing but you have to give them credit for being ready to assimilate in the nicest possible way. They are polite, inquisitive and intelligent and they also know how to tap dance. One wonders how things went terribly wrong but that’s what happens when I am calling the shots.
The main purpose of this month’s blog is to lay the groundwork for possible litigation and this might happen if your name is Binch, Laurie, Duffy, Komoneski, Edmeades, Greene, Feely, Bartholomew or Ronald Hump. Any relationship between these folks and the characters in my book is purely coincidental. However, I am sure they will still want to share my post with all their friends and relatives, who can purchase the book by logging on to my website. I always make things easy. I’m that kind of a guy.
Posted by GB
Here’s a collector’s item for you: the original dust jacket for my book before the moral majority stepped in and nobbled the designer’s best efforts. I’m sorry Ben, but the Americans just didn’t know what to do with a gal who had four breasts. Evidently they were unaware that all Schmoo gals were so endowed.
Of course, this will not interfere with the expected charge to obtain copies of this thrilling page-turner and I know a little nudity will not discourage my most fervent fans. Of course, there are some of you who have decidedly different tastes in women, so it is best you scrutinise the alternatives. The Miss Universe pageant on the lovely island of Bohol gave the world the opportunity to see some crumpet from other parts of the solar system. It’s pretty raunchy stuff.
We come in peace, or so they say
Posted by GB
Isn’t it always the way? You meet some aliens from outer space and find them to be charming, personable, erudite and eminently sociable. Then the nastiness kicks in and you have to chastise yourself for being so gullible.
The Schmooans come from a planet that is widely recognized as the last stop before heaven and, if it wasn’t for their impressive sporting ability, they may never have come to Earth. However, the Intergalactic Games don’t come around that often and who could pass up an opportunity to strut their stuff? Of course, this is only the start of my new novel and I am generous in giving you that much.
I did mention, last month, that I would introduce my new hero Cal Swift to you and, although I have done that, his details are limited. After all, we don't want to give him a swelled head. Why don't you just go online and buy the book and be the first in your street to purchase same?
Yes, The Replicants are now live online and would love to snuggle up in bed with you. They are actually quite cuddly for green people.